


that fearless thrill returns once the pain subsides

by saltyvenus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Lesbian Sex, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, annie struggles with her feelings, mikasa tries to compensate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28429512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyvenus/pseuds/saltyvenus
Summary: unresolved tension seems to bite annie in the back once again.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 11
Kudos: 159





	that fearless thrill returns once the pain subsides

**Author's Note:**

> so this is kinda set somewhere between chapt 130 - 132 in the manga i believe where theyre on the ship or whateva
> 
> title: lovesick girls - blackpink

it’s surprisingly mikasa who comes into her room afterwards. 

annie still isn’t so keen on letting her emotions get the best of her, years locked away in exile could only do so much, but the thought had upset her so badly to the point of breakage. it’s true, she was alone, everything was gone. 

when mikasa shuts the door behind her, annie shifts on the bed, hands coming to clutch at the white bedsheets while she hears mikasa taking a sharp breath.

“i know you have heard some..unpleasant things.” mikasa says into the dull room. annie can’t see behind her, what mikasa looks like right now, or the expression on her face, as much as she wants to turn around and view for herself, but she imagines there’s a solemn look lingering across her chiseled features. 

annie decides not to say anything. silence is worth a million words and annie choses to go that route, even when mikasa’s footsteps get closer and eventually, she sits down next to annie on the bed. from the corner of her eye, as they are trained onto the carpeted ground below, she can see mikasa’s wet hair, black, shagging along her scalp, however it still looks decent. annie’s own blonde hair is untied, dry, it juts out in all the wrong places.

mikasa sighs, bringing annie back to this cold reality. “come on, talk to me, annie.” she says, like she’s pleading, but mikasa never begs, in all the ways annie has known her, even if she doesn’t  _ actually  _ know mikasa like that, she has never begged. not like her. 

annie does gulp, tearing her hands away from her vice grip on the bedsheet, she doesn’t meet mikasa’s eye just yet, that comes later. her voice comes out in a small tone that she wishes wasn’t so vulnerable. “i have nothing left - not after liberio.” she doesn’t allow a single passing moment for mikasa to jump in. “there’s nothing out there for me.”

“but you have us now.”

annie does not know how to reply to that, did she really have them? not just them, but their loyalty and respect? her father had set her standards too high for trusting people, although any trust he had implemented in her must have vanished away just like himself and liberio. so she stays silent once more.

“you don’t have to face burdens by yourself, we’re here for you.” mikasa prods, her steely grey eyes dart back and forth across her face though annie can’t see it. there’s a slight pause, ticking, suffocating, wet. it mimics the cold sweat trailing down the side of annie’s face from the unbearable air. “i’m here for you.” 

and finally, annie looks up at her. she’s right, a somber expression coats her emotions, still, there’s something unnerving about it, about mikasa in general actually. annie shifts on the bed again, mikasa’s presence being too much for her to handle in this moment. 

“why are you here.” not even a question, annie avoids talking about the subject at hand and ponders why exactly mikasa came to comfort her. 

likewise, mikasa avoids her question. it must be deliberate, mikasa is too smart for it to be a mere distraction of her mind. 

“i’ve been told you like familiar things,” annie furrows her brows, mikasa stares. this is so random. “so tell me, leonhardt,” the last name basis doesn’t go unnoticed by annie, and it makes her feel weird inside. “am i a familiar thing?” 

is she? annie genuinely thinks about it for a while, the tranquility never stops around them. she had known about mikasa since forever, information about ackermans spread quickly around her hometown, daft things of course, she was a child, but knowing mikasa didn’t come until training corps years later. 

if that was what it took to be deemed being a familiar thing, then everyone annie has ever met between then and now could be considered one - those kids she used to play with back home, the cadets, hitch dreyse. literally anyone. what made mikasa so special that she ended up being the one who stuck out so exceptionally in front of annie? 

“maybe you are.” annie shrugs nonchalantly even when there’s a slight tugging that disturbingly arises in her body. “what difference does it make?” 

mikasa moves closer towards her. without thinking, annie also leans in. it’s so dead in her mind in this current time that it doesn’t phase her when mikasa keeps looking down at her lips. her gross, chapped, flaky lips. if mikasa of all people thought that her face still looked desirable even after everything, then annie shouldn’t care either. 

“then, do you like me enough?” mikasa raises her eyebrow - annie clenches her jaw. “we’re not children anymore, annie. the past is long gone.” she says, and perhaps she’s right. perhaps there would be a time where she would’ve pushed mikasa away, kick her to the ground, and been skeptical. that has no significance now. 

mikasa attempting to seduce her should feel unnatural, the way her hands are placed on her should not feel right, annie’s never seen this side to her. but it doesn’t, not one bit. annie lets her hands wander along her lanky arms, her touch is so soothing even when the pads of her fingers are slightly calloused. 

“you’re useful.” annie mutters, heartbeat pacing with every passing second. she hates the tension that they have created. “someone like you…” annie isn’t so sure what she wants to say next, someone like mikasa could make her ache badly. could make her feel worthwhile. “can keep me going.” she says instead. 

mikasa smiling must be an anomaly, but she is, right in front of her, sporting a small grin that shows her pearly whites. the grip around annie’s arm tightens, it isn’t long before mikasa is pushing annie down onto the bed, towering over her, and annie lets her do it, edging into submission. submitting to mikasa wouldn't be so horrible. 

the other girl leans in close, annie thinks she might kiss her, how she is curious about the taste of mikasa's lips. they must be so soft. however, mikasa only hovers above her ear, her hot breath and deep voice causes annie to squirm a little. 

“you’re too sweet.” mikasa mumbles, warm hands on annie’s waist. she very much dislikes the tingling feeling bubbling up from the touch, and how her body acts without her input. but mikasa moves her hands lower, lower,  _ lower.  _ “annie.” she speaks into the atmosphere, pulling back just to see annie’s embarrassingly flushed face. 

“yes.” she nearly moans at her desperation. where did mikasa learn any of this? her smoothness is so undeniably attractive. 

“i want to be inside you.” it certainly makes annie’s heat flood with more wetness that she

wasn’t even aware of until now. her eyes grow wide as her stomach churns, there’s a groan itching at the back of her throat as mikasa slips her way underneath the waistband of annie’s pants. “is that alright?”

annie’s at a sudden loss for words, mikasa looks so sultry above, she’s so close, her pink lips are still there, asking to be kissed. it takes nearly all of annie’s drive to not tilt her head and give mikasa a small peek. even if it was just a tiny one, if only for a second. 

“do whatever you want to me.” annie says in defeat, she knows she can’t overpower mikasa in this position, or at all, really. annie has learnt to not always fight back nowadays. “i am forever in your debt.” suppose it comes out as sarcasm, because she is still annie, mikasa doesn’t seem to care either way. her touch is fire when it caresses her bare stomach, sparks shooting off in each section of skin it brushes by gently. maybe mikasa could be gentle.

annie thinks she almost looks cute when she struggles to unbuckle her complicated belt, tongue poking out of the side of her mouth, her dark brows furrowed, hands fumbling about so uncharacteristically. annie wants to laugh. if this were a normal situation, she would have. but it isn’t, so she keeps shut. soon her pants are being pulled down from underneath, cool air hitting her thighs. 

she’s obviously dripping, annie’s sure there is a huge wet patch right on her underwear that she is too hazed to even be self conscious about. further and further, the thin cloth that separates annie’s heat from mikasa’s ogling eyes, disappears, and it isn’t long before mikasa testingly moves her fingers in. no foreplay, annie’s already wet enough, mikasa doesn’t try to kiss her. not like this, not when annie is aching.

“i am inside.” mikasa’s fingers feel like a foregin object wedged in between her walls, strange, stings slightly, flat out unreal. it’s embarrassing enough when annie nearly jolts up when mikasa starts to thrust in and out, her legs clamping around her muscled arm instinctively, but it’s  _ so _ much worse when mikasa brings her other hand to caress annie’s stomach that is still recovering from the small shock, rising up and down at a paced tempo. to be vulnerable like this, to be  _ weak _ under mikasa is a sense of shame that is too overstimulating for annie to completely grasp.

“i-i’m sorry.” annie feels the need to apologize, for disturbing everything, like her father had taught her. it’s a curse how his ideologies still manage to find their way back into annie’s brain. to think she had been contemplating when the fuck did she turn so soft. it isn’t her, just memories failed to be stored away.

“just relax. we’re all a bit stressed right now, okay? think of it as a favor.” mikasa trails off, eyes averting shyly. “for..managing to trust me. i know it’s been hard. we never got off on the right foot.”

“favor.” the word lingers on annie’s dry lips, desperate for mikasa to wet them with her tongue. it’s become too strained. “okay, favor. yeah.” somehow her mumblings get through to the other girl’s ears.

slowly, mikasa’s defy fingers return to her core, the tension becomes slackened under mikasa’s soft palm which draws circles on her belly. then, she continues her ministries. it’s hot all over, from annie’s cheeks to the tips of her ears, gushing with blood and the tiniest amount of excitement. 

she throbs with desire around her walls, annie’s certain mikasa can feel just how tight she is, either from nervousness or attempts at making mikasa want more. ironic, really - she’s the one who is helplessly withering beneath her so called ‘enemy,’ her ex rival, begging for things she can’t say out loud because mikasa herself is still somewhat of a boundary. no matter how comfortable she tries to make annie feel, laid out and vulnerable. 

annie can sense that rise building up, it’s only natural for it to come so soon, annie doesn’t know the last time she had ever felt like this before, probably never. for mikasa to be the first one to experience this sunken emotion with her definitely drives up annie’s need for release. it does not help how skilled mikasa is with her fingers, she knows all the right places to push for annie to be closer to that liberation, it has her wondering if it is just luck or if mikasa has actually done this before. she can’t help but ponder where she would even have the time to do so. 

but the climax is right there, as if she’s on a rollercoaster and peering on the tip of the peak, waiting for a burst until she can trail down the slope. it feels the most surreal because mikasa has her head hidden in her shoulder while her fingers work her way deep into her wet heat, and annie is trying her best not to completely come undone at the hands of an ackerman. nevertheless, it is inevitable, for mikasa is too good. 

her head pops back up like she’s read annie’s mind, her precious thoughts that she doesn’t even allow herself to delve in - nothing in her brain is worth pulling out and analyzing. especially when it's turning into static right now, and she grips the other girl’s forearm, muttering a very ashamed  _ ‘mikasa’ _ between her clenched teeth. 

“annie, let go.” mikasa whispers, stretching her knuckles out to further amplify the sensation, and suddenly it has annie sprawling into a heated orgasm and an abrupt clenching of her chest at those mere words. those same words...surely mikasa didn’t make anything of it, they were just words, but not to annie. 

seemingly, they still have the same impact as they did all those years ago. being in the crystal for so long hadn’t wiped out her memories, there are things she remembers and things she doesn’t. but those damned words had been so vivid in her mind; replaying, pausing, rewinding, playing. mikasa murmuring things along the lines of  _ ‘annie fall’  _ still clings to her much like the uncomfortable, sticky, heat surrounding the air right now. more than her father’s words.

“no.” annie breathes out when mikasa moves to touch her, perhaps to calm her down because her legs are still twitching uncontrollably and her heart pounds painfully against her ribs. of course, there’s always been something so oddly tender about mikasa. she hates to admit it, but now that the haziness of her pinnacle has faded, she can’t remember why she ever wanted mikasa to touch her like that, why she ever wanted to kiss her so hopelessly. she feels so empty like this.

“does it hurt?” fuck, her tone slips through annie’s ears in a wave of comfort, a sea of nurture that she strided so hard to never succumb to. yet here she is, succumbing. 

annie isn’t so sure she’s asking about whatever is formulating in her mind, with all of those memories, and the sheer pain of it, or her sweet release. but annie sets on uttering a simple  _ ‘yes’ _ and leaves the interpretation up to the other girl in front of her. 

mikasa visibly gulps. she’s no monster in this light. neither of them are, in this fucked up world, however it still leaves a sharp prick in the back - to think she was so willing and  _ ready _ . “did i hurt you?”

_ ‘in more ways than just one.’  _ annie wants to say, to scoff in her face, laugh, spit, cry. being hurt badly was a disgusting nuisance that stuck to annie constantly in ways she could never possibly fathom. she was sick of being hurt, much like she was sick of fighting mikasa, of pushing her away like she is subconsciously yielding into this very moment. 

“you hurt me,” annie replies, all hushed, no bite. it’s not longer about the sex, running far away from that. they’ve already put their differences aside, but annie just can’t seem to let it go so soon. she isn’t herself if there’s nothing she can latch onto. “but it’s not your fault.” she has to add, mikasa’s face looks too upset for her liking and it stops annie from feeling bad all the way.

“i went too far, didn’t i?” 

annie stifles a laugh. no matter how intelligent or observant she was, mikasa could be so oblivious sometimes. “you’re stupid.” the hand from her stomach then pulls away, leaving a coldness in the shape of mikasa’s body part. 

mikasa doesn’t hold back, if annie decides to be snarky then she deserves a chance too. “and you wanted to kiss me.” she says, watching how quickly annie’s face turns back guarded. like it wasn’t deathly obvious, with the way her eyes lingered on her bottom lip every time she would get too close. “don’t think i didn’t notice.”

curse her for being so sharp. 

“what if i wanted you to notice?” annie raises an eyebrow, hoping that her bluff will work. after all, mikasa ackerman is just an enigma - her charms don’t stop annie from clutching onto the past. maybe mikasa knew best, that she  _ had _ to let go. what kept her spirit alive also dragged it down, she wouldn’t be able to fight if there  _ wasn’t _ some tension smothering her. 

“i must have caught onto that, too.”

annie brings her legs to her chest, scooting a bit backwards on the bed, so she’s not so close to the other girl in front of her. her pants are still gone but they’re still wet and there’s nothing she can do about it. “and is that why you came?” her tone goes soft, not like annie anymore, rather a scared child warrior forced to fight by her father. yet that, that is no longer something that exists, liberio is gone, and so has annie’s will to keep fighting. because the tension has dissipated now. mikasa, is a comrade, now. 

her eyes sparkle in the dim light, grey orbs turned up so carefully, it hurt more than when annie was looking for hurt, mikasa just manages to ignite a fire in her each time.

“i just think you needed some company.” she speaks, perhaps that’s all it was, all it took, for annie to come tumbling down and finally open her eyes. “we can’t allow ourselves to be too tense in these situations.” mikasa says it like it was a mission.

annie sighs shakily, she isn’t so sure where this newfound fear has come from, probably because she suddenly remembers how intimidating mikasa is even after she fucked her into sheer whiteness. no, the realization meant nothing, mikasa being a comrade, mikasa being a...potential friend, it meant nothing. “you make it so hard for me to hate you.” she nearly spits it out, how badly she wishes they were back as children and the only thing annie cared about was beating the shit out of the other girl in a fist battle. 

mikasa’s eyes widen. really, she’s not a bad person in any aspect, just annie’s selfishness somehow comes on top each time. but mikasa doesn’t deserve any of this, when annie’s pain becomes too much she pins it on the one person responsible for making her feel this way. 

“do you hate me right now?” 

“you said you were a familiar thing, ackerman,” back to second name basis, it pushes annie away from what she’s about to say next, away from any familiarity. it’s the only way she can get her point through, to push back once more. what a hypocrite she is. her feelings about mikasa seem to bloom when she is at peace with herself, a sliver of a moment. “figure it out yourself.”

mikasa just stares, and then she smiles. annie wants to crawl up and die when her face flushes with red and her heart beats terribly. how could she ever fall for a girl like her? 

“right. and you like familiar things, hm?”

**Author's Note:**

> well its kinda a happy ending right


End file.
